Have you ever had a blog post that just seemed impossible to get? This would be mine. I can’t tell you how many times I misread Jamie’s emails to me! But finally I think I got it right. I need to thank Jamie for dealing with my pregnancy brain!
Jamie Ayres is the author of 18 Things! Which Released January 24th!! So far reviews are in and people can’t put it down!
Jamie must lead an exciting life in order to write paranormal, right? Defiantly. Who else might have almost drown in a septic tank other then the most exciting person? Okay, I suppose how you define exciting could change your perspective. I’d like to note Jamie has some interesting and very good friends! Listen to this, a song made for her about her little misadventure, while you read through her life experience. Jamie says, “there is a good reason you never hear of anyone doing this–because you’d have to be pretty dumb to willingly jump into a pile of poop! You know that girl in the horror movies that opens the door for the bad guy, and the whole time you’re screaming at the television, “Don’t go out there, you idiot!” Well, that’s me:-)”
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Seriously, we all have our “Luke, I am your Father” moments in life, some more than others *raise my hand* . . . to the point that maybe some people have nicknamed you the Death Star, not me, but maybe others. And if you’re like me, I’m telling you that you can use all those crappy moments (pun intended) and make a story out of them and make your characters shiny and polished even if you’re still a hot mess like me. I don’t claim to be an expert on much, okay, I do, but I’m also full of crap (again, pun intended). Except on this one thing. I know how to fail. And my love affair with failure all started back in 1984 when my cousin dared me to jump into our ruptured septic tank on the farm in Michigan and years later when I realized what I’d really done, I thought, “I could’ve died!” Imagine that on Jay Leno’s stupid headlines segment. “Girl Willingly Jumps in Septic Tank and Drowns.” But many times we can turn around our failures for victories. In fact, it’s impossible to be victorious without failing first. Now that septic tank incident makes a funny anecdote in my novel. Read a page from chapter six of 18 Things to get the backstory!
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18 Things
Olga Gay Worontzoff thinks her biggest problems are an awful name (after her
grandmothers of course) and not attending prom with Conner, her best friend and
secret crush since kindergarten.Then Conner is killed in a freak
boating accident and Olga feels responsible. When she downs an entire bottle of
pills to deal with the emotional pain, her parents force her into counseling.
There, her therapist writes a prescription in the form of a life list titled
18 Things. Eighteen quests to complete the year of her eighteenth
birthday.All she has to do is fire-walk, try out for the cheerleading
squad, break a world record, and err . . . go on her first date. Good thing
Nate, a new hottie in town, enters her life with perfect timing. He brings the
fun factor to her list and helps her discover the beauty and strength inside
herself, then complicates things by falling in love with her.Just as she’s finally embracing the joys of living life for the
moment, her therapist reveals a terrifying secret and Olga’s world is shaken. In
the past year it took eighteen remarkable things to change a life, but nothing
she believed about her mission is true.
grandmothers of course) and not attending prom with Conner, her best friend and
secret crush since kindergarten.Then Conner is killed in a freak
boating accident and Olga feels responsible. When she downs an entire bottle of
pills to deal with the emotional pain, her parents force her into counseling.
There, her therapist writes a prescription in the form of a life list titled
18 Things. Eighteen quests to complete the year of her eighteenth
birthday.All she has to do is fire-walk, try out for the cheerleading
squad, break a world record, and err . . . go on her first date. Good thing
Nate, a new hottie in town, enters her life with perfect timing. He brings the
fun factor to her list and helps her discover the beauty and strength inside
herself, then complicates things by falling in love with her.Just as she’s finally embracing the joys of living life for the
moment, her therapist reveals a terrifying secret and Olga’s world is shaken. In
the past year it took eighteen remarkable things to change a life, but nothing
she believed about her mission is true.
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Nate smiled and nodded his head, then handed Breedlove to Sean. “Stop wiggin’, man. Play Time of Your Life by Green Day.”
Sean stroked the guitar like a pro, but then again, we didn’t nickname his afro Jimi Hendrix just because of his hair.
“Conner titled this one Ode to a Septic Tank, and from what I gather, it’s written from Olga’s perspective,” Nate said.
A sidesplitting laugh escaped my lips. On Halloween of our kindergarten year, we decided to dress as army men, girl in my case. At the time, my parents rented a small house, and after trick-or-treating, his family along with his sister’s best friend all came over for a bonfire and some cake . . . since it was also my birthday. That night was really the beginning of our parents’ friendship, and the four of us kids raced around the acre of land we had out back, playing a combination of tag and hide-and-seek. Conner and I clearly losing, he sought out a form of camouflage, but there hadn’t been any rain for days. Poop replaced mud when he came upon our ruptured septic tank and dared me to jump in, saying, “This is war! Don’t be a girl.” I didn’t want to be labeled a sissy, least of all by my comrade, so I answered, “Yes, Commander!” He claimed he never meant to almost drown me, didn’t expect me to actually plunge into the foul mess, or for the poop pile to go so deep. But the truth was I could never say no to him, something he used to his advantage frequently.
“Wait, don’t sing yet! Let me get out my iPhone to record.” Nicole dug in her purse. “Okay, hit it.”
Sean strummed the acoustic bass guitar, Nate sung, and Kyle drummed a beat on his lap.
“Experience comes in many forms/And one I remember, breaks all the norms/Playing outside with Conner, his face wears a grin/When all of the sudden, a septic tank I fell in/Swamped in poop/I couldn’t breathe/I flapped my arms and tried to scream/A septic tank is what I fell in/A few minutes felt like hours, nobody prevailed/Then my mom came around/Her face went so pale/She rushed over with great alien speed/Like mothers do when their child is in need/She lifted me out of the fume/A bath could not have come too soon/A septic tank is what I fell in/I got washed up and was put in a dress/Never again did I want to see that awful mess/All of you can have your laughs/Like I do when Sean raps/Mom often does when she says I’m full of crap/I answer her defensively/Conner tried to drown me/A septic tank is what I fell in.”
Nicole, Tammy, and I rolled on the ground as Sean set Breedlove down and shouted, “Boo-yah! Stop, drop, and roll! You just got burned from the grave, Olga! How does it feel?”
A patch of sea grass bowed in the wind, directing my attention to the sparkling water like an omen, a good one this time. The perfect, round moon shone brightly on the horizon, illuminating everyone’s smiles.
“Pretty good actually.”
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Website and Blog: Jamie Ayres
Twitter: @jamiemayres
michelle ziegler 